Meal #50: The Netherlands

A faovurite destination of travellers from across the globe, the Netherlands is a fairy-tale world of windmills, tulip fields and legalised pot. Presumably though, there’s more on the national menu than the “herbal” cookies…

Hans Brinker
Russell St (Back End of QV Building)
Melbourne CBD

Part of the still comparatively new QV shopping complex that swallowed a city block and the down-town skate park a few years ago, Hans Brinker is a small eatery dedicated to a staple of Dutch cuisine – the pancake.

It is named for fictional hero Hans Brinker, better known to Australians as the little Dutch boy who saved Holland from being flooded by putting his finger in a leaking dyke. Surely that’s up there with Belgium’s pissing prince for most ridiculous piece of folklore ever, but nonetheless he’s a popular character.

The pancake house that bears his name is a compact, tidy eatery that also sells Dutch food products (including spekulaas, Dutch “spiced cookies”, which are actually more innocent than they sound). Its walls are adorned with pictures of classically Dutch images like windmills and canals, but the place itself was an example of multiculturalism in action – when we were there both the staff and clientele appeared to be exclusively Chinese. Our own team of reviewers this week was a small but varied bunch, including Nick, Naomi, Rami, Caroline and Sai.

The meal

The menu is mostly, as you would expect, full of pancakes. These come in two varieties, pannekoeks – large crepes that can be either 10 or 12 inches across and are served with savoury toppings - and poffertjes – small fluffy pikelets with sweet toppings. You can also get a “Frying Dutchman” burger, which establishes its Dutch credentials by coming with Edam cheese.

We had-
“Hans Brinker” 12” pannekoek, with smoked ham, button mushroom, corn, tomato mozzarella;
“New York” 10” pannekoek, with gourmet sausage, tomato, mozzarella, mushroom;
Beef krokets;
“Dutch combo” meal with frikandel (Dutch sausage), krokets, chips and salad;
Patat met (chips with mayo).
Followed by-
“Amsterdam berry dream” poffertjes with mixed berries;
“Silk chocolate” poffertjes.

The pannekoeks were served flat on the plate, with the filling on top, like a pancake pizza. The 12” Hans Brinker was billed as some kind of monster crepe that would overstep the most ravenous hunger. “You will enjoy,” the menu assured us, “113 bites.” Actually, it was a pretty light meal. The New York pancake didn’t sound very Dutch, and didn’t taste very Dutch, but New York did used to be called New Amsterdam so we let it pass.

Something that is extremely dutch is the kroket. These are a deep fried snack, with a soft meat filling on the inside and a crispy crumbed exterior. The Hans Brinker menu informed us that “each year, 300 million krokets are sold in the Netherlands, making it the second most popular snack in the country.”

It didn’t however mention what the most popular snack is. Maybe chips, which you can get at Hans Brinker with a range of sauces imported from the Netherlands, including a range of mayonnaises, satay and Dutch curry ketchup. We enjoyed them with the Remia Frittesauss (Dutch mayo). The most extravagant meal on offer was the Dutch combo, which included both krokets and chips, as well as some very tasty Dutch sausages.

Dessert was back to pancakes. The dessert poffertjes were enjoyable but, as with their savoury predecessors, a bit light on topping. More berries or a more generous helping of chocolate sauce would have lifted the tone.

The Verdict

Quaint would be the word to describe this place. The staff were friendly but the service was a bit haphazard, with things coming out at different times and the “coffee in a bowl” that one drowsy diner craved never coming out at all. The food itself was mostly good, though both savouries and sweets were less substantial than they sounded on the menu and we left a bit hungry. No matter. QV is also the home of our favourite post-80-meals filling station – Max Brenner!